"On the bleeding edgeTM"
Let’s face it. Times are tough.
So why waste your IT budget on over-priced
software by Microsoft, Adobe, and others?
The solution: Open Sores® Software.
Save Money Save Time Save Your Ass
Hi. I’m Troy McLure, President and CEO of Open Sores® Software Development. You may remember me from such companies as Microsoft, Adobe, Macromedia, and Symantec. I held various executive positions with each of these companies. Let me tell you this: They all suck.
When I started Open Sores® Software Development, I had a dream. A dream to build the most successful software company in the World. That was six years ago. Today, I’m pleased to report that OSSD is well on its way to attaining that dream. We have customers in five of the 50 states, and we’ll soon be visiting Canada to try to drum up some business with those poutine-eating Canucks.
Our staff is comprised of some of the tallest programmers in the industry, and I’m proud to say that we run a 100% union shop. No scab laborers, and very few illegal immigrants.
- We write software. That’s what we do.
- Here’s how it works: You tell us what you want. We give it to you. You pay us.
- We specialize in custom solutions for any industry you may be involved in. Everything from Aerospace to Zoology.
- We’ll deliver the software to your door, send it to you on a floppy disk, put it on IBM punch cards, write it to magnetic tape, scribble it on the back of an envelope, or even transmit it via a modem (if you’re so equipped).
- We use all of the modern programming languages: COBOL, FORTRAN, ALGOL, LISP, and PL/1. A recent project even involved Visual Basic — an up-and-coming language that you’ll be hearing a lot about. One of our programmers is even learning Eb, which is much more powerful than C#.
- If we can’t write it, we’ll "acquire" it and then sell it to you very cheap.
- Our prices can’t be beat, and we honor all competitor’s coupons.
- We give you free beer.
Here are some unsolicited comments from a few of our customers.
Latella, IT Manager (Fort Crook City, Nebraska)
Smith, Software Buyer (Gothenburg Pony Express Station,
Hatford, Knowledge Worker. (Sarpy Center, Nebraska)
"Pee-Wee" Cannon, Computer Guy (Chalco, Nebraska)
Knotsone, Evangelist. (Red Knob, Nebraska)|
"Like many customers, I was attracted to Open Sores because of the free beer. But, as it turns out, they offer much more. I asked for a vodka martini and they delivered — no questions asked. Now that’s service."
| M.S. Clippy,
Unemployed. (Offisucks, Nebraska)|
"I used to work for a leading software company. When I got canned, I re-examined my priorities and realized that free beer is really the most important aspect of software decisions."
"The Open Sores movement is clearly a threat. Going forward, Microsoft will need to investigate the issue of free beer to enhance the customer eXPerience and reinforce our Trustworthy Computing initiative."
– Bill Gates, Microsoft
Read what they’re saying about us in the news.
- "Joining a lengthening list of governments, South Africa has adopted an official policy promoting the use of Open Sores software." – ZDNET
- "Open Sores: More than just free beer." – ZDNET Australia
- "Microsoft Corp. has confirmed it sees the Open Sores Software movement as a threat to its commercial business model, in a quarterly report filed with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC)." – IT World
- "Open Sores products are more affordable and more secure than closed proprietary systems. In other words, an Open Sores security suite can keep data safer while saving companies money." – NewsForge
- "Open Sores and Sun save Christmas" – ZDNET UK
At Open Sores®, you’ll appreciate what you don’t get: No contracts. No EULAs. No upgrades. No Service Packs. No lawyers. No DOT-NET. No Web Services. No XML. No crap.
We do business the old-fashioned way — with a firm handshake over a couple of beers. And we almost always pay for the beers. Our guarantee: If you’re not 100% satisfied with the results, you reserve the right to file a suit in small claims court.*
* No refunds on the free beer.
accept all major credit cards except Diners Club (that’s not even a real credit
card, is it?). Even PayPal. Also checks, money orders, cash, MoneyGrams, stamps,
and valuable jewelry. Ask about our bartering policy.
Pick up the phone and call 1-800-OPENZ now. Operators are standing by. Ask for Troy.
Nick Nolte, an Open Sores® Spokes Model…
We rarely release personal information about our customers. Sometimes we do, but most of the time we don’t. Well, most of the time we do, but sometimes we don’t. But then on the other hand, we’ve offered…
NoMojo Marketing Corporation
Web Site Design by Myrtle McNeedle
OK. The joke’s over.
Nothing left to see here.