Funny puns

An apt pun can punctuate a conversation and add much-needed humor. Though we groan at “bad” puns, we secretly enjoy them – otherwise, why would so many exist? With that in mind, here are some of the best puns I’ve come across recently, many relating to plants and animals. Be warned though – prepare to do a lot of mental groaning!

Bird puns: I should probably tweet this.

I can’t top that. Your tern!

Toucan play at this game.

Making puns is a very pheasant way to spend the evening.

Swan do you think all this will end?

Ostrich of the imagination is required to swallow some of these puns.

This is probably the best bird pun list I feather seen.

Time for bed. Ibis seein’ ya.

Oh good grebe, this is more than any one should have to swallow. From now on, please sparrow us from these punning posts – they’re not much to crow about. Ptime and ptarmigan I’ve asked you to stop.

Raven lunatics.

I sound so bittern.

These puns make me smile so much that I’ll need a perigrins to express my delight.

Why did the owl fly into the window? It was on a lark.

Bomb puns: Sounds like there’s gonna be a boom in the industry.

Saturday nights I like to stay right on target and not get blown away.

 Sounds like you’re having a blast tonight.

 I had to write a check and then have dinner – paid a debt & ate.

I’m running out of clever puns. I might have to go fission for more.

That’s a strange love, but tonight you’re bursting with them.

There’s not mushroom for any more puns on this topic.

What happened? Everybody else fall out?

 I’ll mix me a gin atomic and call it a night.

Bowling puns: This time, I’ve crossed the line.

That man has energy to spare.

Oh please! You turkey.

He strikes again.

My mind’s in the gutter most of the time, and this is a good example. Now am I off the hook?

Well, if that’s the way you want to frame it.

I’ll settle down. I’m used to life in the fast lane.

When it comes to puns, I am the kingpin.

Didn’t mean to throw that curve.

Truth is, I’m not much of a bowler. That’s not how I roll.

You always have one more in the pocket.

You threw me for a looper. Your contributions have been perfect. Game over?

 I’m going to go have a chicken wing now.

Oh, by the way, make sure you use sun protection on Saturday. I’ve got a handicap you could borrow.

Cheese puns: No whey!

Give me a bunch of cheeses and I’ll Edam all!

Curd someone else participate?

Just let it brie. 

This is making me Gruyère by the minute.

I have a friend named Rick who likes cheese. Ricotta read this.

Some of my finest cheese memories are from when I traveled through Utah by myself after college. I’ll never forget that wonderful cheese meal I ate in Provo ‘lone.

C’mon! Speak American.

Some people throw multiple puns in a single post. I prefer to finely craft singles.

Can’t think of a good pun, feeling kind of bleu.

Cow puns: What’s your beef with them?

It was an honest misteak.

Nah, I was just ribbing ya.

I over-reacted. Too much calfeine.

Cud you just stop it!

I ran out of ideas. If I posted anymore, I’d just be spinning my veals.

 I always go for the best. Just like my new car – a shiny Cattlelac.

Actually, I liked your udder one even more.

You know, you can run, but you can’t hide.

Just hoof it out of here.

Please don’t brand me an idiot.

The cow was downloading moosic.

You’re all full of bulloney!

He’s a natural barn comedian.

You’re a real laughing stock.

Dog puns: Don’t terrier self up about them!

A TV channel for dogs has been launched. Shut-in dogs may get a new leash on life. Some won’t like, and they’ll flea.

Mutt you hound us with these doggone puns?

I didn’t want to do it Afghan. But I guess it wouldn’t mastiff if we did it again.

If I start taking it too seriously, I’ll pick up the phone and collie.

My doctor told me to settle down and relax. Dis temper of mine needs to be cur tailed.

You’ll beagle-ad you followed that advice.

Another guy I know, Shep. Heard about it and he’ll be coming by.

Is this the end? Whelp, it was fun while it lasted.

Sally isn’t lost–she got thrown in jail! Someone needs to springer!

Her lawyer will setter down and pointer to the correct choice.

Her lawyer knows what he’s doing. Sally is a clever fox. Hounding her won’t do any good.

It looks like this is the end. I might have to pull the pug.

Duck puns: Not all they’re quacked up to be

He’s trying to start a duck pun thing. I’m not down with that.

Things can only be blogged, not webbed.

You can’t just make an unfounded accusation like that. I call fowl!

And besides, you have a poultry amount of evidence against me.

Take your time. I won’t be Peking in on you.

Can’t think of anything. I’ll just have to wing it.

I don’t see anyone flocking to agree with you.

 I’m Don. Ald tired puns get boring.

Swan do you guys want to do this again?

Horse puns: They stirrup the emotions

Whinny ya gonna add another one?

It’s a personality defect; he mustang out with the wrong people.

You will always rein king of the puns.

Any pal of yours is a palomino.

I have a sore throat and can’t talk very well. I’m a quarter hoarse.

 He used to live in Pennsylvania. Near Filly, I think.

I can’t horse around here any more. I have to giddy-up and go. I foald, you win by a neck.

Some may think this is a bit lame, but it’s a good way to harness creativity.

You’ve just got to take it with equinimity.

I think I’ll bale. I’ll just bite the billet and leave. I could look up some more words, but that wouldn’t be farrier.

I’d like to thank all of you chaps for participating.

Thanks for bringing that plate of horse d’oeuvres.

 I can’t bear back-handed compliments.

Pig puns: I hope you feel the gilt.

Sow what are you saying?

It’s snout my style.

Have a glass of swine. But don’t hog it all. 

Oh, lardy…

Normally I’d be ribbin’ you. But when it comes to puns, you have some good chops.

I’m rooting for you.

Maybe he’s in the pen for porking tickets.

 I hear his wife leads him around with a ring through his nose. Sowwweee that smarts.

I never sausage bad puns.

Shoe puns: Soleful

I thought you were heeled.

Hold your tongue. I’ll take her over the rest of you loafers any day.

You’ll have to toe the line yourself. Sole long. See ya leather.

I wouldn’t expect such a flip-flop from a straight-laced guy like you.

Does anybody else agree it’s about time we play Taps?

 You said you quit earlier, and now you’re back in the saddle?

If I do this during work hours I might get the boot.

Tire puns: On the skids

This is tiring.

That was wheely bad.

I probably shouldn’t tread on this path–getting really tired of this game.

As it turned out, only 10 tires were dumped. The original estimate was really inflated.

One solution is to simply hide the tires by enclosing them in a plain white wall.

I think you’re just yanking our chains.

Video killed the radial star

Now you’re rolling.

Are you out of your Vulcan minds?

Mitchell Len will figure this one out. He’ll find someone to squeal. Although I think his reputation is a little too inflated.

Tree puns: I must be trunk

You’re barking up the wrong tree.

What did you say that fir? I wooden have expected such words from you. I’m stumped.

I know you saw this coming. You axed for it. The whole thing seems pretty shady to me.

Yew just can’t beat a good set of puns – they’re always poplar. They really spruce up any occasion.

It’s your deciduous.

Thank yew.

Next time I see you, I’ll buy you acacia wine. You don’t even have to grease my palm. You can drink it at the beech.

Some of these puns are so old I sawdust on them. I’m knot joking.