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| Admissions
If you meet these qualifications, we encourage you to apply. Even if you don’t meet these qualification, you should apply anyway. You never know… Just send your name, address, phone number, email address, and a check for $249.95 to cover the application processing fee. Spam University And if you somehow managed to get a credit card, we accept those too. |
| The CurriculumSpam University offers a comprehensive and well-rounded educational experience for people from all over the world. Spam U graduates send out billions of spam emails every day of the year. You probably have a few dozen in your inbox right now!
CoursesFollowing is a partial list of courses offered at Spam University. Request a Spam U Catalog for a complete course listing (only $24.95).
*Federal accreditation represents the highest form of globally accepted, legal and valid accreditation of a college or university, and the validity of awarded academic degrees. Spam University is accredited by the TEU, the GGFT, the AALRU, the PITGA, the NNHFCU, the AFFGU, the SGA, the PGA, and the NFL. |
| The CampusSpam University is located in beautiful Youlose, Mississippi. Students from all over the world flock to Mississippi, which is often considered to be the intellectual capital of the the U.S.
On-Campus HousingFirst-year students are required to live on-campus, in our modern high-tech dormitories. Best of all, plenty of free parking is available. Recreation and Student ActivitiesSpam University students have access to a wide variety of wholesome (and educational) recreational activities and sports.
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| Alumni
TestimonialsBut don’t take our word for it. Read what our graduates have to say about Spam U.
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| AthleticsAlthough Spam University is best known for its highly-acclaimed academic programs, the university also excels in athletics. Spam U has won 12 athletic championships since 1995. Go Skunks! Spam U Athletic Caps, only $24.95
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| Special EventsSpam University periodically sponsors special events for our students and faculty. Here’s a summary of the events planned for this academic year. The Famous Spammers RoundtableThe Famous Spammers Roundtable is one of our most exciting events. Leading spammers from across the world gather for a lively discussion of issues that affect the spamming industry. Legendary spammer
Alan Ralsky will be on campus The participants in this event are not your common everyday spammers. These are the cream of the crop, and each one of the participants is listed on the prestigious ROKSO List at Spamhaus! Here’s a partial list of well-known spammers who have agreed to participate this year:
Everyone is invited to this event, which will be held during the Fall semester (the exact data and time to be announced). Admission: $60. Partnering With Microsoft The biggest event on campus this year will be a special appearance by Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates. Bill "Bill" Gates will demonstrate Microsoft’s upcoming "Spam Machine." This amazing device consists of special hardware and software that will make spamming easier than ever. And that means more money in your pocket, and more students enrolled at Spam U. "The Spam Machine is capable of churning out more than 1 million spam emails per hour, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. And best of all, these messages are 100% untraceable," said Gates. Gates will also provide the details regarding the
exciting new "Spam Partnering" program that will revolutionize the
spam industry. Coping With Rejection
Topic: Copying With Rejection.
Here’s an example (no charge) of the type of advice you’ll receive: "No matter how much pressure you feel at work, if you could find ways to relax for at least five minutes every hour, you’d be more productive." – Dr. Joyce Brothers, Famous Psychologist (Note: Laughter not allowed during the speech.) Admission: $100. Spam U Summer Concert SeriesThis year’s outdoor concert series will be the best ever. We’ve finally managed to book Jody Carver and Johnny Cucci, fresh from their "Hot Club of America" tour. The highlight of the show will be their rendition of "We Spam and We Don’t Give a Damn." Join them for an evening toe-tapping and finger-snapping music you won’t forget. (Note: Red jackets are required) Admission: $30 and $60. Graduation Day Our hard-working students put down their books. They enter the working world and begin their spamming careers. It’s a time of joy, and a time of new beginnings. And the world becomes a better place to live. Here’s a lovely graduation day poem, written by one of our recent grads. I learned some writing The photo below was taken at last year’s graduation ceremony. This year’s even promises to be even bigger and better. Admission: $50
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| Privacy PolicyWe at Spam University respect your privacy. Yeah, right. We respect it about as far as we can throw it. We collect as much personal information as we possibly can. We use cookies, brownies, Twinkies, infrared sensing and hidden cameras. Whatever it takes to find out about you and your pathetic Web surfing habits. Oh yeah, and several different spyware programs have been installed on your system. By viewing this page, you agree that we can do whatever we damn well please with your personal information. Sell it. Give it away. Trade it for cheap beer. Auction it on eBay. Give it to our "partners." Whatever. You also agree that we can kill you, if the need arises, and sell your body parts on the black market. And we can use your car anytime we want. This privacy policy may change at any moment, so you should probably check back about once per hour. This is a legally-binding agreement. If you don’t like it, hire an attorney (starting rates = $175 per hour). Ha-ha. |
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