Rude Warning Mode
Excel should have an option that enables rude warning messages. Then you'd see stuff like this:
Excel And Football
Q. What was the most memorable day in sports to Excel fans?
A. February 5, 2006. The day they named a football game after a spreadsheet.
She might regret getting this tattoo when the next version becomes available.
No matter what they say about Dick Cheney, he's OK in my book.
The Best Spreadsheets
A comic by stld52.
Prior to Excel 2007, Microsoft agreed with Bart.
Fortunately, there is no such thing as Excel 2004.
The Aspiring Writer
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said:
"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation, and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing Excel error messages.
The Wife Vs The Mistress
An artist, an architect, and an Excel programmer were sitting around discussing whether each enjoyed spending time with the wife or the mistress.
The architect says, "I like spending time with my wife, because the stability and endurance of my marriage helps me design better buildings."
The artist says, "I like spending time with my mistress, because the passion and mystery of the affair influences my art."
The Excel programmer says, "I like both."
The architect and the artist are puzzled. "Both?"
The Excel programmer replies, "Yeah, both. Each thinks I'm spending time with the other, and so then I have time to read the Excel blogs!"
If Excel Were A Car
If excel were a car...
- It would crash two or three times per day for no apparent reason. The driver is often hurt, but the car itself receives no permanent damage. You'd just accept this fact, restart the car, and begin your trip again.
- Occasionally, your car would fail to restart after a crash, and you'd have to reinstall the engine. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this too.
- You would be forced to buy a new model every 18 months, and your old model would have no resale value. Each new model would be bigger than the previous one, require more gas, and would operate differently. Furthermore, parts from the old car would not be interchangeable with the new car.
- You could call a special phone number when you had a problem. The phone would be staffed by people who know less about your car than you do.
- There would be a special Macintosh model, powered by the sun. However, it would only run on 5 percent of the roads and require different driving skills.
- You would have to spend additional money to buy the operating manuals.
- The oil, engine, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single warning light: "This car has performed an illegal operation."
- Before engaging, the airbag system would display a message, "Are you sure?"
- Every time you looked under the hood, an obnoxious cartoon character would appear and ask if you need help. No matter how many time you refused help, it would keep appearing.
- A special feature would let you automatically record the route for a particular trip, so you could repeat the trip automatically later on. However, after repeating the trip you always end up at a different location.
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